Douchebag of the Week: Senator Richard Shelby (R-AL)

Richard Shelby, Senator from the great state of Alabama, is a flaming douchebag. He refuses to vote on Obama's presidential appointments until his home state receives billions of dollars in pork.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev., said Shelby's move is holding up about 70 appointments, including a critical top Defense Department position overseeing deployments to the war in Afghanistan.

Senate Republican Leader Mitch McConnell of Kentucky offered little defense, saying Thursday that he didn't know much about Shelby's concerns and that he would try to hash them out "sooner rather than later."

Senators frequently block individual appointments, but Shelby's blanket hold is unusual. His spokesman issued a statement about the holds Friday, citing concerns about a contract for an Air Force refueling tanker that could be built in Alabama and a new FBI explosives center that Shelby wants built there. Shelby argues the projects are critical national security priorities.

The value of the Air Force contract could reach $35 billion, plus $45 million for an FBI research facility in his home state.

Shelby argues the projects are critical for our national security. Democrats have shot back, claiming 'There are empty chairs at the Pentagon.'

Democrats are scrambling to not screw this up. Shelby's claims of fiscal conservativism leave him and the GOP wide open to justifiable criticism, exposing his intense hypocrisy, and expose him for the enormous douchebag that he is.

US Patent Office Surprisingly Primitive

The glorious US Patent Office, arbiter of all things innovative, apparently grinds to a halt when page is faxed to them upside down. Yes, you read that correctly. Faxed. Upside down.

Here's the message one potential patent candidate got after submitting his paperwork:

The faxed submission was received upside down. We are unable to continue processing these images.

There is so much wrong with that statement I won't even start, except to say I can't believe the future of American technological innovation relies on these clowns, and I can't believe my tax dollars are supporting them.

I want my money back.

[via Gizmodo]

Robot Apocalypse [UPDATE]

It's 2010 and these guys already look like the bots from I, Robot.

[Thanks Brian]

Afghanistan Bottoms Out

Afghanistan could only get so bad before it had to start getting better, and that inflection point is happening now. Afghanistan appears to be softening against improving security and commerce.

During the summer, McChrystal described the security picture as deteriorating as Taliban influence expanded, especially in Pashtun tribal areas of southern Afghanistan.

"I feel differently now," McChrystal said. "I am not prepared to say we have turned the corner. The situation is serious, but we [made] significant progress in setting conditions in 2009 and we will make real progress in 2010."

Key to the progress, he said, is an operation in southern Afghanistan's Helmand province that will begin within days. Officials have taken the unusual step of announcing the planned offensive, centered on the town of Marja.

McChrystal said the offensive would advance a counterinsurgency campaign begun in Helmand last summer to expand the area under government control. Officials have spoken openly about it in part to showcase the involvement of Afghans in its planning, but also to give militants a chance to lay down their weapons or flee. The discussion is also intended to convince Afghans that the situation in their country is improving.

The Army is running what appears to be a successful counter-insurgency program to bring in the ones you can, and root out the ones you can't. I was ready to pull the plug on the whole situation, but it may still be salvageable.

Ginsberg and Stevens Are Out

Obama could get a couple more justices in there, but they won't tip the balance back to the Left.

Court watchers believe two of the more liberal members of the court, justices John Paul Stevens and Ruth Bader Ginsburg, could decide to step aside for reasons of age and health. That would give the president his second and third chance to shape his legacy on the Supreme Court.

Last week, when Obama took the nearly unprecedented step of criticizing the court's opinion in a major campaign finance case during his State of the Union speech, some believed he was showcasing for the American people that presidential elections, and Supreme Court nominations count.

I anticipate months of vigorous debate and exceedingly uninteresting news stories about the Supreme Court nominees.

Rubik's Solving Robot Built From Legos and a Cell Phone [Robot Apocalypse]

This robot, built using only Lego Mindstorms and a Nokia N95, solved a 4x4x4 Rubik's Cube in 15 minutes. Yes, you should be afraid.

[via Gizmodo]

Saints, Colts Hoping To Resolve Super Bowl Through Diplomacy

MIAMI—Team officials from the New Orleans Saints and Indianapolis Colts emerged from a tense, 12-hour negotiating session Thursday and told reporters that, while they had yet to reach a settlement that would prevent a massive on-field conflict, the AFC and NFC champions were committed to resolving the Super Bowl through diplomatic channels.

"Playing this Super Bowl is our last resort," said NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, who was flanked by the coaches and quarterbacks for the opposing teams. "Yes, there are some difficult issues that need to be hashed out, such as who will be the game's MVP, the number of total passing yards for each quarterback, and which team will be named Super Bowl champion, but I think we made progress today."

"The Colts and the Saints are unwavering in their commitment to avoid any violence and wish to resolve the Super Bowl peacefully, without a single football being thrown," Goodell added.

[The Onion]

The iPad Keynote in Three Minutes of Adjectives

"It's Amazing!"

News Report Explains News Reporting

[via exposno1]

Robot Apocalypse [UPDATE]

The robots are at it again, evolving and working in teams. God help us all.

You'll say the whole Robot Apocalypse meme is played out. We say it's your lack of focus that'll eventually be the downfall of society. Gurus at the Laboratory of Intelligent Systems in the Ecole Polytechnique Fédérale of Lausanne have been working on "evolving robots" for quite some time, but the latest breakthrough is easily the most astounding (and in turn, terrifying) of all. According to new research that was just made public, a gaggle of robots programmed to use Darwinian selection in order to learn, evolve and mutate have now successfully moved sans collisions through a maze and helped each other push tokens around in order to achieve a common goal. Moreover, some of the creatures even displayed early signs of a predatory-prey relationship, which effectively assures mankind that these cute little learners will one day assimilate to rule the world however they please.

Behold their power!