Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Tea Partiers Come to Polls in Droves

Tea Party Fever sweeps the nation as conservative candidates across America win a multitude of races against liberal opponents.

When asked for an explanation of the poll results, Democratic Strategist Melanie Kessler had this to say, "I honestly didn't think those rubes would be able to find the polling places. It's probably the result of some Fox News propoganda ploy."

President Obama was equally baffled by the mid-term results, "These morons don't know how much we're doing for them. We're helping you, dip-shits! I can't understand why they'd vote against us."

As conservatives re-take the House of Representatives, Democratic strategists attempt to regroup with a new round of initiatives. "Americans were clearly dissatisfied with the level of spending in the bank bailouts, stimulus programs, and health care reform. So we've come up with a bill that will outspend all of those put together. Try and vote against THAT come 2012!"

Minorities and the disabled have already begun barricading themselves inside their homes, in preparation of the coming onslaught. "They're comin to kill me, I know it," said black man Ronnie Jackson. Wheelchair guy Chris Ingle was equally frightened, "I heard they used guys like me as hunting decoys."

Keith Olbermann could not be reached for comment, as his head exploded. One camera, two microphones, and a lighting fixture were damaged in the blast. Luckily, no one was watching.

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